What the Cat Dragged In
by Knobs- Giraffe Extraordinaire
Summary: Thinking of updating. NorringtonOC. An offthewall woman arrives at Port Royal while in search of her ship which she has misplaced. She tries everything she can think of the escape the clutches of our dear Commodore, but in the end, will she really want to
1. I don't know how to run!

Disclaimer: Disney owns ALL. Well, they own "Pirates of the Caribbean" which in my story includes Port Royal and Norrington and other POTC characters. Captain Kitty is my own creation.

Just a quick note: This is my first fan fiction EVER. I'd appreciate some feedback if you've got any but no flames please! (I've always wondered if saying that really works). This is kind of a test chapter, it is really just a description of the main character, Captain Kitty, who is almost a parody of Mary Sue. She was originally my character on my Pirates RPG board that was based on me but know I've changed the character. The title and story I think are still tentative. I hope you like it though!

Look What the Cat Dragged In

The morning was bleak, very bleak. The sky was shrouded with pearly marbled gray clouds. There was a kind of quiet stillness about Port Royal. The sort of day when nothing exciting happens save for an old woman's cat knocking a pile of fish over. Everyone stays inside for fear of the heavens opening up suddenly and letting loose a slew of rain upon them. Few boats would enter the port and docks that day. One boat however, carried something that would bring a bit of color to this dreary scene.

That something was known as Captain Kitty.

No one knows for sure exactly HOW Kitty became a captain. Or if she even is one. Most think that it's merely the alliteration of the two words together sounds so good, that Kitty is called a captain. And many doubt that she even knows how to sail a raft, let alone captain an entire ship and crew. Either way, it had become more her name than her title. Her last name had been long forgotten by everyone, save the select few actually close to her. Captain now seemed to be her first name, and Kitty, her surname in a sense. People called her Captain or Miss Kitty and she'd respond. People also called her lazy and a moocher to which she'd also respond, but in a different sense.

The ship she had arrived on was not her own. Kitty was NOT in the market for one, as it were. She'd simply misplaced her ship, affectionately dubbed, The Fine Fabulous Floating Flotsam (Or, "The F-ing Flotsam" for short. You know, F-ing, short for…Floating). The thing was practically made of sticks and leaves but if there was any proof that Kitty could do ANYTHING, it was that she was able to make that piece of crap work. The fact that she lost an entire ship has little to do with her sailing abilities and everything to do with her sun-cooked brain.

Now, Kitty isn't stupid per say, she is just often a bit dim and childish. In emergencies, she can be rather cunning, but her plots and escape plans often leave much to be desired. Though incredibly complex, intricate and rather creative, they are bizarre and require more effort and work then necessary of some schemes and story lines. Though it does make for great adventures and stories to tell other people's grandchildren. For instance, instead of just ASKING the captain of the ship she chose to hitch a ride on, if she could hitch a ride, she chose to sneak on and hide herself amongst the bags of potatoes. The captain, a male, would have, without a doubt, granted a safe, and probably free passage to Port Royal had Kitty simply unbuttoned her top button and asked him. But where is the thrill in that? So Kitty sat hidden behind a sack of potatoes, with a bag of spices on her head for however long it takes a ship to sail from somewhere, to Port Royal. Kitty instinctively knew when the ship had arrived at Port Royal. The call of "We have arrived at Port Royal!" was loud enough to hear even in the cargo hold.

Kitty took her time de-boarding the ship. It was dark where she was and though her name means "little cat", she hasn't got many cat-like abilities (except perhaps sleeping all day).

For the sake of not risking wrist injuries, we are going to say Kitty got off the boat with no problem. Let's say the crew saw a rat and they all ran off the boat before unloading it. It doesn't matter anyway.

So Kitty stepped onto the dock and blinked in the bright sun. After all, she'd been in that dark, dank cellar-like area for a good long while. So while she is adjusting to the light, we'll take a minute to describe what she looks like for all you visual folks.

First off I think I need to say that Kitty, well, she IS pretty. As pretty as you want her to be that is. But Kitty doesn't know she's pretty, she just knows other people think she is and thus, uses her looks to her advantage. Well, she tries to at least. She's not gorgeous, mind you, nor ravishing, nor exquisite, but pretty enough. Perhaps a bit of voluptuous mixed in, because it is a good word.

She's got a fierce love for food, but her days at sea don't usually offer much in the way of cuisine, so her weight fluctuates. Even though she is female, she sees it as a sin to be too skinny. Dem bones need ta have meat on 'em! So Kitty remains at an average weight. And average height. Average average. Her hair is the color called "desert Sunrise" ,whatever color you imagine that to be. And when brushed, would slither down to the middle of her back, where the ends would be split. Come on, it is not like she can use conditioner in the middle of the ocean. Or soap for that matter. Which lead us to her skin, which is dirty and smeared with who the hell knows what. If washed, however, it would reveal something of a "farmer tan" on her arms, pale Irish legs, and a sunburned freckled face. Yet I suppose, like most characters, her eyes are what qualifies her as pretty. They're blue, and for the sake of a possible romantic scene later in the story, we'll say they are the color of the ocean. In fact, having her eyes be the color of the Caribbean waters would be fitting. So they are. Bright blue.

Body wise, Kitty's got a chest and curves as much as any normal fan fiction female. They come into play later, so stay tuned. On her body she wears clothes of dull colors. Being female, it is customary for her to wear a skirt rather than pants. But Kitty isn't customary so she wears pants, with a kind of skirt over them, to please the masses. Her pants are not tight and are ragged and unbecoming. Her 'skirt' is more like a giant shirt torn to rags that she wears around her waist. Both are held up by a belt that holds a sword that Kitty often forgets she has. She has been known to use table utensils to fight her way out of (unnecessarily) sticky situations. She also as gun but does not know how to use it and it's doubtful that the thing even works, but it looks scary and that's all that matters in Kitty's case. Her shirt is pretty much a piece of fabric that is almost permanently wrapped to her torso with bits of other fabric, most likely a shirt pilfered from some man pirate then shredded and wrapped to fit herself. Wasn't the sexiest outfit in the world, but it got the job done. As in, you couldn't see anything you weren't meant to see when you weren't meant to see it.

To recap, her hair is tangled and un-brushed, her skin is smeared and dirty, and her clothes are one step up from rags, yet if you looked hard enough with a magnifying glass, you'll see some prettiness there. I like to think of Kitty more as a soap opera character that has gone through the wash with socks and undergarments, both in appearance and personality. Take that however you like. In short, Captain Kitty is a pirate. (And yes, a female one, this story would not work too well if she weren't.)

Ok by now, Kitty has gotten used to being outside of a dank and dirty (and dark) boat. She ambled down the dock, stumbling over loose planks and knocking buckets into the water, trying to look casual and cool. The dock keep was conversing lively with some sailor as Kitty skirted by conveniently unnoticed. With a triumphantly doofy grin plastered across her face Kitty strutted onward.

As she sauntered to the end of the main dock, Kitty became somewhat uncomfortable in this new environment. After all, Port Royal is a royal port and thus swarming with British officers parading around looking for people that looked like she did. Face it, the girl looked like a right scallywag and she knew that if any of those pompous Brit brats saw her, they'd be suspicious and look at her funny. She could not have that. She looked around as she walked toward the streets and perhaps the comfort of a dark alleyway to slink about in until the next boat out. She was a bit relieved to see that most of the Navy officers were holed up somewhere else, probably their nearest fort (pub). "Probably because the British Navy is made of sugar and are afraid it will rain and cause them to melt, and then were would Port Royal be? Under attack of a massive sugar high, that's where", Kitty thought and she laughed smugly at her own joke.

Sighing, Kitty slowed her pace to take in the place she'd wound up in. It was boring. There was no other way around it. No one was there. There was practically nothing of color anywhere except for that stupid red officer's coat and hat that where on that barrel over there. Kitty grinned evilly. This could come in handy. She sauntered over to the clothes and inspected then to see why they were shed. Turned out they were damp and smelled of fish. Naval officers can NOT be damp and smell like fish. Then she heard the distinct noise of crappy boots clunking on cobblestone in uniform pace. Officers on the prowl. Kitty quickly donned the coat and stuffed her hair under the hat. It is doubtful that the Naval patrollers would have noticed or even apprehended her, for she was doing nothing wrong that they could see. But nevertheless, Kitty wanted to feel sly so she stood there, looking out to sea, in red coat and pompous hat (no feather). She heard their voices carry across the street as they entered hearing distance.

"Do you think he would have gone to the docks, sir?" One voice said, tired but alert.

"Mmm, it is possible." Said a second voice. More of a bored drawl with a good measure of haughtiness to it. Kitty turned her head slightly to get a look at the men. "Murtogg, check the docks. Mullroy, go down that street and I'll head up this way. He could not have gone far..."

A small squeak left Kitty's lips as she saw the apparently superior officer point right in her direction. She hurried off to the nearest alleyway. As she shuffled past a barrel, a man dirtier than she rushed past her into the alley. Kitty was a bit startled, this man seemed to have come out of no where. She watched him curiously as he scrambled over crates and barrels, throwing glances back at her as if he were terrified of her. Kitty was about to chuckle lightly at the thought when someone behind her hollered.

"You there! Stop that man! Why are you just standing there?" The man who was giving orders a moment ago bellowed and pointed to Kitty. Kitty, in all her dimness, looked behind her to see who the officer was directing the order to. No one was there...how odd. She took a second to watch the man running away get his foot stuck in a fishing net, then look bewildered at the wigged officer running at her telling her to move, then down at herself. She saw the red coat. Realization dawned on Kitty.

"That is an ORDER man!" The well-dressed man shouted. Kitty just stood stock still, trying to think.

"I...I...I don't know how! To run! Uh, sir!" Kitty spat desperately then mentally whacked her forehead when she saw the confused look on the man's face. She began stepping back slowly as the man got closer and his comrades appeared behind him. Fortunately for Kitty, they passed her and ran to get their man. Except for the superior officer. He lagged behind and when the other two men and tackled and were clapping the fugitive in irons, he whipped around and stormed up to Kitty.

"You man! You disobeyed direct orders! What is the meaning of this?" He spat at her until he was about a foot away. Kitty was frozen, still trying to think of a way out of it. She bit her lip and took a deep breath.

"Uh, it's my first day...? Sir" Kitty said in her deepest man voice as she studied her feet.

"Your first...I was unaware the Navy had recently hired anyone." The man hissed, obviously not buying it. "Are you in cahoots with that man?" he interrogated and pointed down the alley to the struggling mass that was now making it is way toward the jailhouse in the opposite direction.

Kitty's head shot up. "No, sir!" She said truthfully but too quickly. As she did so, a strand of desert sunrise colored hair fell from under her hat. The Naval man saw this and looked at it curiously. He reached out and pulled on it, as if expecting it to come out in his hand. When it didn't he stood there perplexed. Then, before Kitty could think 'Oh no!' the man grabbed the hat and yanked it aside. Kitty's hair tumbled out and she let out a small nervous "eep".

"A woman!" The man breathed, as if it offended him greatly to see one. Kitty smiled sheepishly and waved, hoping the man maybe would think it was a joke or something. The man quickly regained his composition. "Impersonating a British officer, especially to aid in the attempted escape of a criminal is an arrestable offence!" The man sniffed importantly and puffed his chest out, as if it were in a little script playing in his head.

"I was not hel-" Kitty started to protest but the man held up his hand and interrupted her.

"Take those clothes off, immediately." He ordered. Kitty blushed. "All of them?" she asked rather dumbly. The coat is the only thing I should not be wearing..."And then an idea struck her. Maybe she could use her 'assets' to get her out of this one. It was worth a shot. She immediately put on a sultry look, which kind of came out as a look of someone who had something in their eye. "But if you want me too..." She said in a sultry tone that sounded more like she had mashed potatoes stuck in her throat. And she slowly unbuttoned the coat, while licking her dirty lips and keeping eye contact with the man, who only rolled his eyes. But there WAS a hint of red in his pale cheeks.

"No." he drawled. "Just take off the coat then."

Kitty continued to slowly, sexily take off the coat button by button but she's got horrible hand eye coordination and ended having to pull and tug and hiss and spit at the coat until she finally yanked it off, giving it rather nasty look before she plastered another sweet sexy look back on her face. She bit her lip and fluttered her lashes while she placed the coat over the man's shoulder. She even let out a girly giggle. A sound of desperation coming from Kitty. The man just sighed and rolled his eyes again. But again, there was a bit of red in his cheeks. Never the less, he took hold of Kitty's arm. Bringing it forward he looked it over, looking for brandings. But he did not find any. Because that was Kitty's right arm and all her tattoos and branding were on her left. So there. She smiled smugly to herself but donned an innocent puppy look when the man looked back up. He gave a bit of a sneer but loosened his hold on her wrist a bit. He could have SWORN she was some kind of pirate. Well, perhaps he'd just take her down to the jailhouse, maybe to freak her out a bit so she would not play jokes like this again. Because surely, this had to be a joke. Or this woman was just weird. Either way, he figured she must have an odd sense of entertainment...

So the officer steered Kitty toward the direction of the jail. But Kitty dug her heels in. She'd just gotten here! "What're you doing?!" She whined and tried to pull her hand free. He just tighten his grip and replied boredly.

"I'm taking to the jail. I told you, impersonating a British officer is an arrestable offence. Now come along quietly and I will not use the irons." He said and loosed his grip a bit again as he headed off. Kitty gave a great huff and allowed herself to be pulled along. Oh she would not just give up like that. Well yes sometimes she would, but not this time. Her mind was fast at work trying to think of someway to escape. To 'distract' this man. And as Kitty watched the tails of the man's coat swish about as he walked, her classic, teeth baring evil grin spread across her face. It was time to REALLY turn on the sexy.

Ok, t'is all for now. This is kind of just a test run to see how people like my writing style. And yes, the man is Norrington. Review and I'll be more likely to continue. :)


	2. The Physical State of Our Fine Navy Men

The Physical State of Our Fine Navy Men

She watched the man's feet making dust on the road, trying to think of ways to get away. One of Kitty's mottos is "When in peril, whine like a pig" so she let out one of the annoying noises mothers often hear emanating from the back seat of the car as they pass a McDonalds.

"Nooohohoho. I don't want to go to jail!" She game a little stomp and tried to dig her feet into the ground only to be pulled into a stumbling walk again. "PuhLEAZE do not take me there Mr. Solider Sir" and she tried ever so subtly to pry the man's finger's off her arm. The man halted and turned to look at her. She smiled innocently but he merely wrinkled his nose, after all, her breath smells like dead fish and moldy chips.

"I am not a simple solider." He puffed out his chest and absent mindedly let go of Kitty to dust himself off and adjust his wig. "I ...am COMMODORE of the Royal British Navy Stationed at Port-HEY!"

Captain Kitty had seized the opportunity to jet. Yes jet, and she was flouncing down the adjacent alley, leaving a trail of triumphant laughter behind her.  
"That mangy cad" he cursed, his fists clenched. He then chided himself for calling a woman such, because no matter how mangy she was, she was still and woman and should not be called such a dirty name as cad.If he only knew. Give him time though, he'll find out soon enough.  
But in the mean time, Kitty was, conveniently for the Commodore, flouncing fast toward a dead end.

"Aw Pinfish-innards-on-a-stick" Kitty exclaimed as she skidded to a stop in front of the stone wall of a tall building. With walls in front of and beside her and a snarky Brit in pursuit behind her, Kitty had to think fast (not something she does well).

As she heard the man coming to a puffing halt behind her, she turned slowly, only to see him with one hand on his knee and the other pointing a pale finger at her chest, trying to catch his breath. This man had been literally chasing people all day and it was getting tiring.

"Re..Resisting...Arrest..." he breathed "Is...is...not good..." His vocabulary had been immediately minimized when he looked up to see a playful grin and a set of hands resting on a set of hips.

Kitty giggled and put on her best innocent young girl voice. "I was only trying to test the physical state of our fine Navy men." Kitty emphasized "physical" and "fine" with breathy tones. She twirled a lock of filthy hair around a filthy finger and swiveled her way up the Commodore.

"Of course, the are other ways to test your physical state, SIR"  
The Commodore watched the girl approach with a kind of WTF confused look plastered on his face. By the time Kitty had finished her sentence (which was no longer spoken like an innocent school girl), she was so close, he could smell the mingled spices then were in Kitty's hair from the items she chose to hid under on her journey to Port Royal. He cleared his throat, told himself that his face was red form being out of breath, and took a step back.

"Er, uh...Impersonating an officer AND resisting arrest; two counts against you, miss..." He faded off so Kitty could fill in with her name as normal folks do. But Kitty just stared at him, not taking the hint. She blinked her blue eyes blankly, waiting for the man to finish.

"Right then" The Commodore said heavily when the girl didn't respond. "That means jail time. Don't worry" he started quickly when he saw the girl about to whine "as these are only trivial offences, it will only be a day or so" He sighed inwardly as he saw what he thought was relief in the girl's face. Really, it was something more along the lines of triumph.

Bwhahah! He doesn't know I'm a PIRATE! But you know, I have other things to do than be in jail. This is totally cramping my style. Kitty thought and was so deep in her thoughts she didn't here what the man was going on about now.

"I'm afraid though, since you did try to flee, you will have to be taken in irons" He took a minute to process this himself. Doing that to a lady? Kind of shady, even if that does rhyme it is not a good idea. He thought. To compromise, he just pretended to "clap 'em in irons" and held on tight to Kitty's left wrist.

She pouted, but to no avail. The commodore and Kitty trudged down the deserted, gloomy street leaving a trail of pathetic whining echoing behind them in the damp air.


	3. Slight Breeze

Slight Breeze

"Hey hey hey!" Kitty squealed as she was shoved unceremoniously into a jail cell that was just as dirty as she was. "WATCH THE GOODS!" She dusted herself off when she was in her cell and scowled.

The Commodore merely heaved anincrediblesigh of exasperationand fumbled with his keys. He locked her cell as Kitty took the time to take in her surroundings. She was busy looking under the splintery wooden bench with her bum pointed heavenward in a rather unladylike fashion. Norrington quickly turned to give the keys to the dog.

There was a loud crack as Kitty's big bum came crashing down on the worn out bench, splintering it into several shards. He took a minute to lean against the walls and rub his temples as Kitty muttered something about English brand wood. The last half hour had been the most chills-down-your-spine irritatingthirty minutesof his entire life. He'd never wanted ear plugs to have been invented so bad since he'd first hired Mullroy and Murtogg. "She must be cross bred with a pig to be able to produce a whine of such caliber" he thought, watching herwalking in circles trying to examine her own rear for slinters. He had been sorely tempted to drop her off at the nearest trough, but thought it ungentlemanly and endured.

He closed his eyes and breathed a small sigh of relief for finally being able to rid himself of her presence. Opening his eyes and standing up straight, he found the tip of a very splintered piece of "English Brand" wood pointed more-or-less at his nose.

There was a moment of bewildered silence as the navy man's eyes traveled up the shard to find it attached to a dirt smeared hand which was attached the whine-box behind the bars. The way she was holding it, he thought for a moment it must have been a sword. But embarrassingly, it was pretty much just a stick. He smirked his devilish smirk.

"Put the stick down young lady. We can't have you getting splinters all over my coat now can we?" he said snarkily. Snarkily being a word reserved solely for description of Mr. Norrington. She merely stuck out her tongue. He grabbed the stick sword and pulled, causing Kitty to rocket into the bars.

"Hey! Give it back! I busted my butt to get that!" she squealed, trying to loose her arm from the hold the bars had on it. She gave up pretty quickly and opted to scratch at the man like a crazy monkey in the crazy zoo. She was even making crazy monkey noises.

Norrington merely took a step out of harms way and dusted himself off. He chucked the piece of wood into the corner, giving himself a splinter. "Ouch! Blasted splinters."

"Ha!" Kitty shrieked as she pointed with her stuck arm. "I cursed it I did! Cursed it to do my biding! Bwahaha!". She threw her head back and shook with laughter as she slid slowly to the floor, arm still stuck in the bars.

"That was a pathetic attempt my dear lady, but I admire the effort". Norrington wonder what was wrong with this woman to make her act so. Perhaps he was locking her up in the wrong kind of cell. Perhaps her walls should be padded and not barred he thought as he watched her try again the wrench her arm loose while muttering about jails not made to fit ladies. He stepped up to the bars and looked down at her. He cleared his throat and she jumped, unaware that he was still in the room. Or that he even still existed. Her brain works (if you can call it that) in mysterious and often mind numbing way.

"Hem. Now. Uh, I will be back in a few hours." He droned. "To let you OUT miss, not to torture you." He added at her terrified look. He turned on his heel and hadn't made one step when he felt his pantloon snag. "Blasted splinters." He said again but looked down to she a hand gripping his clothes. He raised and eyebrow. "Yes?"

"But I want out now." The girl replied rather simply and childishly. He sighed and rolled his eyes. "NO. You stay here and think about what you've done." He pointed a parental finger at her and walked off.

A few steps away he noted a slight breeze. He cocked his head to the side. This jailhouse was usually damp and muggy. The was a second of some smell-the-fart acting until with wide, knowing eyes, the Commodore reluctantly looked down.

There, around his knees where'd they'd been securely tied, were the crumplings of his best pantloons. The very ones that had been covering his pompous white bum just seconds before. Norrington grabbed his pants and shimmied them back on, face reddening with anger and embarrassment as he heard distinct snickers behind him. As he tied his pantstrings in triple sailor knots, he heard, cutting through the chucking, "Hey, do you powder your bum too chummy? Cause it looks as good as your hair!"

Without turning around, he rushed toward the jailhouse door. He was just reaching it when his foot connected with that blasted piece of bench and he fell like asack of bricks. An eruption of goose like laughter emenated from behind him. He scrambled up and stormed off shouting, "THAT'S A WHOLE DAY FOR YOU MISSY!". And with that, the door to the jailhouse slammed shut behind him, but not before he heard the words "Told ya I cursed it!" echoing though the walls.


End file.
